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                 |  |  | Turning Thirty |  |   
                |  |  | It isn't 
                          that I fear growing oldersuch things as fear,
 reluctance or desire
 play no part at all
 except as light and shadow sweep a hillside
 on a Sunday afternoon,
 astonishing the eye but passing on
 at sunset with the land
 still unchanged: the same rocks,
 the same trees, tall grass gently drifting
 merely that I do not understand
 how my age has come to me
 or what it means.
 
 It's almost like some small
 forest creature one might find
 outside the door some frosty autumn morning,
 tired, lame, uncomprehending,
 almost calm.
 You want to stroke its fur,
 pick it up, mend the leg and send it
 scampering awaybut something
 in its eyes says, "No,
 this is how I live, and how I die."
 And so, a little sad, you let it be.
 Later when you look,
 the thing is gone.
 
 And just like that these
 thirty years have come and gone,
 and I do not understand at all
 why I see a man
 inside the mirror when a small
 boy still lives inside this body
 wondering
 what causes laughter, why
 nations go to war, who paints the startling
 colors of the rainbow on a gray vaulted sky,
 and when I will be old enough
 to know.
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                |  |  | Copyright © 1980 by W. D. Ehrhart The Samisdat Poems, Samisdat, 1980
 This poem currently appears in  Thank You For Your Service: Collected Poems,  McFarland & Company, 2019
 
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